Does anyone else hate Second Life?

Tags: Second Life

Wendy posted on Dec 6th 2006 3:45PM

I love simulation games. I love online communities... But when I tried Second Life during the summer of 2006, I didn't get that.

I just found a game with no direction and it was difficult to understand, too. A game like The Sims 2 is complex but it starts you off with some tutorials and premade characters and situations.

It would also seem that, in order to really have fun in Second Life, you need to spend money. I can have fun for free on Gaia Online and Neopets! Come on now! Sure you can do stuff for free on Second Life, but when it comes down to it, money matters.

And don't you feel irritated instead on inspired when you read about people making a million dollars on Second Life? What about the people
who teach actual college courses through Second Life? Or how about the people that take it sooooo seriously that they make Second Life their First Life? They cut out real social activities so that they can go to their DJ job and work from 8pm until 5am? And now it is becoming a big advertising thing with car companies making their Second Life cars for sale on there. Yes... Some big car companies have put their cars in the game.

It's not completely bad, but it seems like things are getting a little out of hand. That's my big beef about it and beef is fuckin' delicious!

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Comments

	aLEX says: I totally agree. I tried second life a few days ago and was really disappointed at how poor the Graphics and interface were. Fucking crap game. Posted: 12/18/06 17:35
	Rod says: Yes hated it .I tried it out just now . I just didnt get it. You can fly for some reason which is fun but ... why ? I also wasnt sure what i should be doing . I walked around for a bit getting pissed off and just spoke to some other players about how much fun i wasnt having . Yeah why spend real money on fake products ..... It just does my head in . I'm sticking with world of warcraft ,It shits all over the faces of other games Posted: 02/22/07 14:30
	John says: My feelings towards this program are very bitter to say the least. My wife has become so immersed in it that all I ever see is the back of her head. She claims she will make all this money, which I have yet to see. From the time she wakes up to at least 3 or 4 in the morning, she sits there staring at avatars dancing. I have confronted her many times on her obsession with this program, and she becomes very defensive about it. I hope, like you said, that it fades away quickly. It has gotten so bad that even our 7 year old daughter has made comments to my wife about it. Posted: 06/19/07 18:06
	Rasti says: That sounds pretty bad John. Posted: 06/20/07 00:06
	xixo says: I've tried SL and my first 2month in SL was fun meeting many kinds of people and everything was totally new to me,until when SL disabled or deleted my account for no reason without any explanation. I had basic account and I had nearly L5K which I had to spend so much time on them,but after THEY deleted my account I started to think that maybe that is how they make their profits since Linden is cross traded currency. Posted: 06/22/07 11:23
	mike says: Yeah i hate SL my wife plays it all the freaking time she never spends any time with me anymore it really sucks and hacks me off as well. I swear it is the most pointless waste of time and best of all it's screwing over my marriage how lovely. So yeah I think i hate second life as much as anyone out there. Posted: 06/24/07 23:55
	Joseph says: I have no idea how such a clunky 3d environment has been so successful. Posted: 06/27/07 20:03
	John says: Well, it is good to know I am not the only one with this issue. The other day I simply wanted her to go outside with me, she tells me someone needed her to stay on for something or other, I told her well your freakin husband wants you to come outside with him, those people can go screw themselves far as I am concerned. Posted: 07/01/07 07:54
	will race says: second life is a home wrecker, i have witnessed 2 families get destroyed because of this stupid game. wendy's ex boyfriend's comments are correct, and i would like to add that people that are into second life are lazy and have forgotten about real life.there is no need to be on second life all the time, the one family distroyed by it, the wife is on all the time and pays no attention the 7 and 4 year old, i think that the game should be banned. Posted: 07/07/07 09:46
	John says: I have plenty of faults, I will admit that, however, I have done nothing to drive my wife away and into this program. I have tried to do everything for her. She doesn't work, she don't have to cook or clean, or worry about the bills, I try like hell to worry about everything so that she doesn't have to. I have done this to near mental exhaustion, and so I will speak my views on her addiction to this program as I wish. Posted: 08/16/07 00:36
	Amy says: SL was the last straw. I can't remember how long ago he started playing it, but I remember he was paying for it. Couldn't pay all the rent but could pay for this rediculous game. He bragged once to his SL partner on her myspace that he spent 34 hours straight playing it. I moved out in February. For months before, I tried to ask him to stop playing it. His only other real friend also tried to talk to him about it. It always ended in complete infuriation on either end. He didn't even hear me when I would talk to him. And getting him to get off of it was a whole other ordeal. On Valentines Day he married or partnered with someone on there. I came home and seen him standing in this cheezy ass gazebo looking thing. With Jenn that was always just a friend. She was wearing a wedding dress and he a tuxedo. I asked did you get married? He said, "oh ya." Like it was nothing. But that is the thing. If it was nothing then why do it? Why take the time it takes to dress yourself, and buy the stuff, and then go and get married, and dance around in your fake life. Like two people who really have a wife and two boys, or in her case I think she had 2 or 3 kids and a husband. He would tell me crazy things like he was working for major magazines, or talked to Jimmy Kimmel on SL, or has a contract with Pontiac. But it's not real!!!! He always told me as well that he was going to make sooo much money. Where was that promised money when he didn't have a car for over a month, and was on the verge of being evicted. He said he was going to pawn some stuff. I asked why didn't he sell his super computer. He said I have obligations on SL, so I need it. I wasn't perfect either, but this was the end. I came home one night to a mess on the floor and went and tried to wake him up. He had probably been awake for over 24 hours so waking him wasn't happening. I was just messing with him and said I am going to delete your game. He was half asleep and said ok. I go in and do it. A few minutes later he comes in and see's that I did it. Notice when it came to SL he got right up. He blew up and punched his brand new monitor that he had just bought like 2 days before. He leaves comes home the next day and sleeps for a bit, gets up and leaves again. Guess what he came home with? A New Flat Screen monitor. Like I said it was the last straw. He still to this days plays it and sees nothing wrong with it. Posted: 08/20/07 20:54
	Care W. says: Yeah, my boyfriend went out and bought a new computer so he could play this game for continous amounts of time and now until 5:00 a.m. since he is on vacation. He says it's $10 here and there. What a waste of money! What a waste of time! He ignores me and his three teens.But it's not real!!!! I Don't Care! Posted: 08/22/07 20:32
	Livin' in the real World says: I'm gonna tell you who plays second life...losers who can't meet people in real life! So they get on and make up some avatar thing that doesn't even look like them and go around trying to hit on other avatars so they can go have cyber sex...can't get the real thing ..HUH??? Grow up and get a Real life...A cyber-relationship is no relationship at all except in your twisted little mind. Unless you are on there to go to a class, just look around or are a shut in(invalid) you need to get off your fat A** and go outside to breath some fresh air. Hey Spanky..if your so hot then why are you on it...Spending your little paycheck on fake crap?? Before you tell someone they need better graphics and try to make yourself out to be someone with alot of money remember other people read this site and YOU, little one, sound like a REAL LOSER! I bet you have an avatar that doesn't look ANYTHING like you! Hey, the reason for this site is for people who live in the real world to tell others their experiences. I know just how John feels....My other spends all day and night on that game so I only see them about 10 hours a week. When they're not at work they have their face crammed in the computer. I work too but I do everything at home too...I would like to escape reality too but I'm a grown up!!!!I have responsibilities.... I'm not a LOSER who has to run and hide in a computer game. So my suggestion to you who think that S.L. is so great, maybe you better check out your pathetic little worthless lives and do some major GROWING UP!!! Posted: 08/28/07 18:59
	stop the hate says: guys guys come on...i've read all of these posts and I too have a wife that spends a lot of time in the game and I did actually try to bond with her in game. I made an avatar and played for a few weeks but the SL world is too wide open and I'll admit as a Gamer I look for a video game to provide me with a structure to play within. So SL is not for me. My wifes background is in theater and performance so she enjoys the roleplay aspects of the game. But however, I understand John's anger and many of the other posts hell i am angry many days when I come home from work to a kitchen full of dishes and an appartment that's covered in crap and a baby that's in need of attention. Some days it's like I'm working two jobs one for a pay check and another as a Nanny. So before you SL fanboys start flaming again remember this post was intended to help some people vent thier frustrations at their problems, why do you feel the need to jump on the SL fan wagon and blather off at the mouth dispensing your Marital advice? I could understand if we were on the SL site! but please go back to your own forums and SHUT THE HELL UP. that being said now that i have all the SL fanboys ready to piss liquid napalm...I do agree with your views on the need for communication in a relationship and I dont blame SL for my marital problems. However, to jump on a post and start berating people who you think are "ignorant" Spanky is rude and shows just how short sighted and juvinile you are. I'm sure you think you're the sh$t in SL/RL but really you're not. You're just like everyone else only you have a bloated ego. So pack your bloated ego up and go back to SL and keep on keepin on. As for the rest of us SL Haters! well i think it's good to get things off your chest and complain..helps ease the pain but the truth stands you have to communicate to your loved one that you are not down with what's happening and you have to put your foot down...an adiction is an adiction weather it be drugs, alcohol or video games force your loved one into a corner and give them an ultimatium. set up a play time schedule? but talk about it. Marriage is about working things out and equal compromise. Posted: 08/29/07 14:43
	John says: I agree 100% with that. And I certainly have tried to communicate my feelings about it with her. The trouble is, she sees it entirely one sided. She has no interest in what I have to say about, nor does she seem to care. Just today I tried to give her a little back rub, just a small dose of intimacy, she turned around and asked what I was doing, in a tone of voice that implied, what the hell are you touching me for? But I keep trying. So, yes communicate if you can, but I am sensing from alot of people on here that they are faced with the same walls that I am. Posted: 08/31/07 18:34
	me says: hi, I agree with most of what has been said, as I have a friend who is addicted to SL. I don't like the avatars or the expense. It's too geared to cater for people who are hung up on appearance and materialism in RL, and who have maybe failed in that in RL. So it probably has all the worst elements in there. That dosn't attract me- I have tried it but I don't see the point. However, I must say that for some it is true that they are drawn to the internet because of something they are missing. I have spent a lot of time in an internet chat room (no avatars, no money, friendly people). Why? Well primarily because I am lonely. My partner is cold and distant, hates having people around the house, and is often out or away. Yeah yeah I know you'll say ditch them, but hey thats the way things are. I'm just saying. There may be something in it that there is something some of these people are missing out on. However, I wouldn't assume that any of you are so dumb as not to have asked. And even if they ARE missing something, if they don't realise it or don't think there is a problem then there is nothing you can do. My partner would never deign to take an interest in my activities enough to even ask. Or complain. So I think that those of you who said you are losing people to SL are probably not at fault really. It's a horrible, pseudo-materialistic nightmare so far as I can see. Maybe you married the wrong people? Certainly my addicted friend was ALWAYS this shallow, appearance-and-status-obsessed person, it just becomes glaringly obvious to anyone when they become obsessed with SL 'clothes', 'hair', 'makeup' and so on. I just wanted to say that it can be true that people do these things because they are hurting, too. Posted: 09/02/07 13:01
	Steven says: My wife spends on average 10 to 12 hours a day on SL. Our entire marriage has completely gone in the crapper. The worst arguments in our entire lives has resulted from this rediculous electric tome. She has refuse to go back to work because of it and I will serve her papers coming up at the beginning of the new year. I can no longer play the chump to her fantasy. By leaving her she will have to go back to work or suffer the addiction like Crack Cocaine. But I have to get back to a normal life. Even the kids are extremely upset with her and they have been out of the house for years now. I have need for a companion not a dis-avowed zombie pecking away on a keyboard at all hours of the day and night Posted: 10/15/07 21:42
	Justlikejohn says: I feel your pain. My Wife is addicted to SL...spends every waking moment that she can...on the computer. It's gotten to the point where everything else in her life is left to fend for itself...or for me and the kids to do. This isn't fair to the kids, or me. I work all day...the kids go to school...we come home and have to do all the things that she neglected, while she goes to work. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect her to work all day at home...and all night at work, we share the load! But since discovering SL, she ignores her share...and I have to pick it up. I've told her I think she's addicted...but she thinks it's funny! It's getting to the point where she's getting (maybe) 4-5 hours sleep a night...staying up until 3am, losing track of time! Posted: 11/19/07 19:30
	I gate SL says: I hate SL, It has f***ed my life Posted: 11/25/07 07:17
	Tiffany says: my fiance is glued to this shit... i want to burn down the second life corp. in Cali. Posted: 11/30/07 12:26
	Jacob says: I think that all of you who defend this game don't really like people, real people. You make up excuses, twist and insult people , all to make you feel better about an addiction. My plays wife this game constantly. From the time she comes home from work, to the time she finally comes to bed at midnight-2am. She makes excuses to NOT do anything on the weekends so she can flirt and talk to other people on this game. It's even progressed to the point they call her on her cell phone. She never says "I love you" or "I miss you". That is left for me, with no return answer. She talks to me for 30-40 min, saying she wants to patch things up, to spend more time together. She then goes back to SL and proceeds to bash me behind my back. I've witnessed this in some of the IM conversations she's had with SL people outside the game. She doesn't understand why I think she spends too much time on it. SHe doesn't understand why I think it's wrong for her to flirt with other men online, and have phone conversations with them. We moved to another state 4 MONTHS ago to try starting our lives again. We're living with HER parents. I've wanted to move out for 2 months now. We have the money, but she would rather spend time on SL than look for apartments. She'd rather spend time on SL than help with ANY house work. I have no idea what to do about this... Posted: 12/01/07 12:38
	The Plain And Simple Truth. says: Hey I am just fuckin glad im single and limit my expenses on this game its very overwhelming for me. I got hurt and was temporarily disabled for 2 months well in that time i joined SL and started in the game my mistake was having people there to already get me hooked on the damn game. I didnt start out haveing to learn all of it i had friends there showing me from the miniute i joined. I Can see how Husbands and wives feel SL has or is destroying thier lives. Its very sad to see this. I have a brother that im working desperatly to keep his real life in perspective to him so he dont do anything to mess it up. I see it commine already down tht road tho. I dont actually blame SL For any of this. And You all shouldnt either. It comes down to individual people that are choosing to do this stuff to there own family and selves. I do not claim to be and expert but all Linden Labs is doing is Offering a Service to consumers. And its not thier fault that hundereds of thousands are jumping in on it to escape thier Real lives for a few hours of fantacy. In my opinion I look at it this way. I love SL Its a tool i use at the end of the day or during. I make priorities for myself and do my best to keep those priorities. for the people that are already so far gone that they can not do this then I advise you to pull the plug on your pc for a few weeks or more so you will have to deal with rl and not fantacies that have no real physical effect unless your a stalker and hunt people down that way haha. Like i say my main point is Second Life isnt resposible for People choosing for thierselves to neglect and ignore thier families. Some of you I admire the strenght you have showed by your comments I am not that strong of a man i could not live with a wife that does like your's does John. Your love for her is much stronger than Mine would be. And the guy punching his monitor haha thats so childish. but it serves him right to have to go out and buy a new one for his addiction. Love Your Families and Make Strong priorities about where your attention should be. Single people just whatch the credit card use haha. We should all be fine with SecondLife then. Be Safe this New year everyone. Posted: 01/08/08 11:51
	John says: Second Life hmmmm Very addicting indeed if you play this game it will addict you soo much. i can't beleive im about to write this but i "im" very addicted i currently still play second life last year i got held back for not showing up for school. for nearly 2 months! this game really took over my Real life i hate the fact i ever heard about it. im a lost soul and i need help im controlling myself from playing but its just gets me happy having a girlfriend which i doubt i'll ever get and having friends which i hardly have. i need to stop this addiction. Before i destroy my mothers credit score. Thanks for lisening to me. P.S. ZionVII Sella. Posted: 01/08/08 14:51
	Jacob says: EddieRo... It's already happened for me. Like you, I'm lucky we didn't have children. I've already moved out, have my own house and am ready to go looking again. Soon as the divorse is final. She's still living with her parents, still has not cleaned or picked up anything, and STILL plays that game constantly. Only thing I have to say now "IT'S HER AND HER PARENTS PROBLEM NOW!" I separated the funds (what was left). Moved out, and things have been geting much better for me. My job is progressing better, I'm up for advancement. My stress is MUCH better. My finances are extremely better. My living space is so much better, cleaner. I can actually get on the internet anytime I please. I loved her and it's over. If she wants back, tough luck. It's happened once, never again. If you have kids, take them with you and see if they even notice. I wish more Anti-Second Life news and stories would get out in the open. The "love of my life" turned into the biggest jinx, frustration, distrust, and heart break of my life. Freedom is the only answer for some. Good luck to those trying to deal and fix the problem, I hope it works for you. The lingering doubt that they will go back to SL, or some other online alternative to real life will always be there, but maybe it won't happen again. For me... That chapter is ended and closes the book, and I'm BURNING it. Posted: 01/24/08 23:19
	nikki says: I agree with "Fed-up with immaturity". Most of the relationships described in this post didnt sound healthy to begin with. I know several RL business owners who use SL in a HEALTHY WAY. I log onto SL everyday and anytime I have nothing to do, but as soon as something comes up in RL, I'm out the door! I've seen the same addictions on forums that I've moderated and even phone party lines (old school). Posted: 01/29/08 19:29
	Jacob says: Good for you Nikki. This isn't a thread for you to agree with a person who can hardly type! This is a thread for people that have problems with other people obsessing about something other than their real life responsibilities. This is not healthy. We're not talking about people that only get on a few hours a week. "Didn't sound healthy to begin with"? Get out! It's not something that was at the start of the relationship. Internet addiction can happen at anytime. Why do you people constantly have to defend this alternate life? Is real life too much for you? You need something where people agree with everything you say because they don't know you and don't really care? What's "healthy" about sitting in front of a monitor? Posted: 02/02/08 21:01
	hi says: If you have someone obsessing over the game then cut them off from the internets and throw the computer out the window, or just break it internally while they aren’t looking. Problem solved. (It’s worth a try isn’t it?) Posted: 02/06/08 13:50
	Mary says: I have invested 49 years in real life. I have invested time, Thousands of dollars energy and passion to my Marriage and Family. I have been faithful and compassionate, understanding and forgiving. I refuse to let SL steal our time and history, for a virtual relationship, based on idealized festures, instant friendships, mind games, role play and cartoon sex. These online singles have no vested interest in keeping a marriage intact. I do. So to all you singles, you have no business advising on marriage and relationships unless you have invested every thing you have into real life one. You know with real marriage, money, children realestate contracts, problems and resolutions. Love and forgiveness, life and death. Posted: 02/25/08 10:42
	Francescoco says: I dion't know about all the addiction stuff. But you have to be pretty stupid to get addicted to this shite. I've been on SL for two weeks and I've only met sanctimonious geeks. In real life I like going to fetish clubs. The proper kind - with sex and people and bloody freedom of expression. In SL you find these 19-year olds prancing around in their 'costumes' telling each other off about manners. You get banned for sitting on the wrong stool! And apart from some ridiculous animated cartoon figures is NO sex. Nada. Or drugs. Zip. Or rock and roll. Zero. So good riddance to any dumbo who gets lost in this load of crap. Posted: 03/03/08 17:29
	Kelly says: If you or anyone you know is addicted to second life and live in Southern California I may have a solution for you. We are doing a documentary and are looking for people who are addicted to this game, we are offering them help with their addiction. If interested please have them contact us at therapycasting@tijuanaent.com or call us at 310-341-2500 Posted: 03/04/08 13:37
	Lost says: I read the comments of people who are going through similar situtations as myself and it depresses me more. I am barely holding my marriage together and to be honest if it wasn't for the fact that I won't let it end then SL would have ended it a long time ago. I tried SL with my wife a year ago. We played in world together and with RL friends. The 4 of us would hang out and we had fun. My wife discovered that she liked to role play and immersed herself in Gor. I wasn't into that and we separated in SL and I started a business (I actually made real money go figure) but she would spend 20 hours a day in world. We sat in different rooms. I had enough but clearly she was addicted. I left the game (which I at most played 4 hours a day amd many days I didn't play at all). She almost left me for another guy. We have been married for 14 years and we have 7 children. She still plays online with this guy. They webcam and do unspeakable things in my mind. I try to be kind and talk to her and she is defensive. I can't go into all of it here. to say the least I am lost, lonely, tired, but I can't give up. I need her back in my life 100%. I need help and I can't find any. Posted: 03/18/08 10:35
	Name says: I "play" second life and I agree for some reason it is very addicting. But you have to make yourself not play it to the point that it ruins your whole real life. I am a wife in my mid twenties, and for me its just about playing barbies and creating things. I chat with some friends, but I never ever get emotionally involved with anyone. I don't cyber. If I'm doing something in sl and my husband needs something, I immediatly stop and go tend to what he needs. My husband plays Guild Wars, sitting right next to me. And he knows every single thing I do in the game. It's about balance and not using the virtual world as a way to completely escape the things you are disatisfied with in real life. I see too many ppl that I talk to in that game in over their heads with second life affairs and crumbling real life marriages. If they put half as much energy into repairing their real life relantionships as they do their virtual ones they would find themselves a whole lot happier in real life. I'm not a expert by any means. But it just seems like comman sense. RL over SL. If things are really so horrible in RL...go seek some professional help. Posted: 03/27/08 17:38
	Mar says: Name, I can totally agree with you. I'm a mother in her mid twenties, lost my last 2 months on the game for being addicted and a few days ago I quit cold turkey. I must admit it being hard; had a job on SL, had dear friends, had a house and a ''bf''. I logged in a year ago to have fun, do something with my creativeness. Then it all blew up in my face. My hubby needed to clean up my mess... which I felt dreadful about. It just came to the point where I nearly lost my job, which I LOVED doing. And I figured; you know what? Why are people there? To create a drama life (most of the time, since even in SL things like jealousy and stuff in groups occur), to do all the things they can't do in RL, since they think it's TOO LATE. Wake up! It's never too late! Eventho it's nice to talk to people, from all over, from different age groups (which, in my opinion it is about. I mean: the odds of meeting someone you like talking to.. are sooo much higher then in RL), it has such a bad after taste.. you stare at your computer, while the sun shines outside, kids wanna play, your hubby (close, near and dear) wants to cuddle with ya and you flee from your job. Real life just goes on with or without you. Maybe it will help.. for all the people having trouble to realize what it's about. What do you wanna make of your life? What kinda person do you wanna end up being in RL? A lonely person, having loads of friends SL, but poor wrt RL friends, home and family? That ain't me. And I'm fighting it. Big time. I'm not willing to give up the job which is my life devotion, nor my REAL husband out of a million. And if that means quiting.. well .. it means quiting. But hey, everyone who is ''dear'' to you on SL will understand. And if they are nice people to talk to, they WILL stick around. On Skype, MSN or whatever. Posted: 04/01/08 07:49
	Ashley says: I was addicted.So bad that I would dream about it. All i would talk about is second Life. I don't know whats so addicting but when youre on, hours seem to pass without you noticing I had given up my regular life and my best friend didn't speak to me for a long time because i neglected her. I now limit my time on it and with it being down so much it works. Other then a dollar or two ever few months i don't spend real money i have a job and use Metarl.com. They're are also lots Of freebie places. I overall have a love/hate relationship with secondlife and i do agree it is addicting. Posted: 04/05/08 11:54
	richardj says: Second life destroyed not only a relationship but a friendship. My girlfriend/fiance began getting heavily involved in Second Life about a year ago. I did not know it at the time. She was always very "private" about a great many things anyway. Also she once told me that she would not have a realationship with me if I were ever involved with chat for "any" reason. I began to notice subtle changes in her at the time. She became extremely less effectionate. Our Date times decreased on a weekly basis. She became "sloppy" both in house and her personal appearence.She became rather distant,and even lost her job. I then noticed that she didn't seem to be "looking" for a job very hard. She then moved out of town. found a job and told me that i could her soon. I finally went ahaed and moved in with her. That's when i discovered she was on second life. My first night there she told me that I had to give her "space" every night for this game she was playing. It was second life! I finally went into the game myself to check it out. i did see some neat stuff and felt I could really "get into it". She perceived to get angry with me to tell me that I was "intruding" into her world. Of course I went into her profile and read it and saw how she was lovey dovey with at least 3 guys. She is in her late 50's and her "avatar" is about 30. She "owns a house" that she spends hour upon hour decorating. Meanwhile her apt that I am in as I write this is a total wreck. If I don't do anything here, it doesn't get done. it's a pig sty. She sees nothing wrong with it and since I have had so many problems with her over it,we have broken up. Any of you "defenders" of the game who blame other people for what this "Glorified chat site" is doing to destroy lives are no better than those who are addicted to it. It is an addiction. As bad as alcohol or drugs. I've watched it totally destroy a person. I can't do anything to help this woman. She thinks she has done nothing wrong, but here I am at my PC writing this at 12:15AM because I had to get up so she could use her PC in the bedroom to do her Second life. I think the game should be called "replacement Life" or "Seperate Life" If I ever date another woman again, the first question i am going to ask her is: "Do you play Second Life?" If her answer is "yes", i am not interested. Posted: 04/06/08 01:26
	richardj says: oh i LEFT SOMETHING OUT. I am moving out in one week. I refuse to compete with a woman that has a "game" that is more important than anything else in her life. Posted: 04/06/08 01:29
	Coz Bade says: Wow. I'm not alone. Yes, Second Life tore my life asunder as well. My wife was once normal and engaged in many activities outside the computer. When our daughter was born she became depressed and despite my telling her this a number of times she refused to acknowledge it. I found that she spent more and more time in "secret" online activities and then the day came that I discovered she was in Second Life. She had been hiding it from me when I confronted her. She said she was hiding it because she didn't want me to get the "wrong impression" because it had a sexual reputation. Without anger I told her I was sad because this was the kind of thing we would have enjoyed together. A few weeks later she set ME up with an account. I spent the next several months immersing myself in the game, trying to get closer to her again and bond since we spent so little time together. I would spend my lunch hours reading tutorials and planning "virtual date nights" with my wife. Then one day she came to bed hours after I logged off and suggested being intimate but was asleep within one minute - I became upset that she would rather be online than with me so I slept on the couch. The next day she told me that MY actions were the "final straw" and she wanted a divorce. Several weeks later I discovered that yes, she had an online lover in the game (she told me "no" many times before when I asked if that's the case). For the past 7 months I asked her to reconsider, to work on our marriage. I apologized several times for helping contribute to the environment that caused her to feel the need to go to another. She is not interested and now appears to plan a future life with someone supposedly from England whom she has never met in person, although I know she has cam-chatted and talks to him on the phone for hours every day. I have no choice but to get divorced because she has filed. Like others I read above, she does not acknowledge her addiction. When I shut the internet off from our house she broke down screaming and crying and saying, "the internet is where I've gone to escape my life for the past few years!" Sadly, she doesn't realize that her problems will still be there, whether we are married or not. Do NOT turn a blind eye to your spouse spending too much time in game and hope it will pass quickly. YOU know when it is too much time and something is not right. I feel for the people who try desperately to get their spouses back from this and other addictive online activities. How will our 4-year-old daughter ever understand what happened to mommy? Posted: 04/07/08 14:15
	RichardJ says: Coz, I can relate. In addition to everything i mentioned. She wrote off her lack of effection to "depression". i wonder if others out there experienced the same things. That when their partner got imnmersed in second life, did they have depression issues in their real life? Posted: 04/07/08 17:35
	Coz Bade in Second Life says: Definitely depression, Rich on my side too, and the personal hygiene went out the door as well. To the people who defend the game, understand that many people are experiencing very real and devastating consequences as results of their loved ones' addiction to SL. Whether it would have happened "anyway" with a different medium is immaterial - lots of people are having very tangible real world problems connected with Second Life. It is not a personal attack on you, the game itself or the way you interact with it. If you enjoy the game, you surely understand it's addictive nature, and If you feel defensive about the things you've read you may not be ready to recognize your own negative consequences. Go ahead and look up my profile in Second Life. It's funny and bizarre when it's someone else's spouse and children affected but it could never happen to you, could it? Posted: 04/07/08 22:23
	richardJ says: I'm sure there are some good arguments pro- second life. I can only tell you what I have seen it do to someone I once cared about. It has turned her from a lovely woman to a selfish, sloppy, spoiled brat. Last night after my last posting, i went into her room and noticed the cat had vommited on the bed. She was just sitting there in her life typing to one of her "friends". I'm glad I'm out of there in 4 days. She needs desperate help. This Second life has consummed her. Posted: 04/08/08 15:18
	JohnP says: I can't believe I'm not alone. I'm in the process of a divorce from my wife of 15yrs. we have 2 daughters. It started with her suffering from depression. You know take the meds till it works then say I feel good and stop. Never going to therapy because that would really mean admitting a problem. The fights started about a year ago. She would neglect her share of the chores, her personal hygiene, and the family. I would hear I'll only go on during the weekend from now on. Then she would up her time on the game to 10 - 12 hours a day and sometimes for days at a time. I discovered she was into Gor and that was it for me. I said either quite and get help or you have to leave. I destroyed the computer and canceled the internet. This led to an eye opening experience: she cried when I broke the computer and said I was taking everything away from her. She didn't bat I eye when I said I'm keeping the children. She went behind my back bought another lap top and would sneak out of the house at all hours to play in parking lots with wi-fi. I kicked her out. Now I have sole custody of our children. We are rebuilding our lives. It's been a huge weight lifted with it finally over. Not only do I hate SL but Gor is some perverted crap! Posted: 04/10/08 19:09
	Jacob says: Wow, I'm seeing a lot more of the problem I had here. John... My soon to be ex-wife was into the gor thing too. She always called it "role-playing", and that I shouldn't worry about it. How can you not worry about it? Person you love and live with is flirting and playing slave to some other guy with a naked character. Know that you're not alone John, and it's NOT your fault. Good for you on getting rid of it. It seems to be the only solution to the addiction. I haven't seen many "working it out". Posted: 04/13/08 23:56
	RichardJ says: I'm back after a couple of weeks. I moved out of my girlfriends Kiity litter B/O non hygenic apt and left the state we were living in. I have sinced "explored second life" and through it accidentaly met one of her lady friends. in the midst f all this, I discovereed that she was having "relationships" with men in their late 20's early 30.s. She gave her friends my SL id and told them I was crazy and 32 years old in RL. (I am 55) This is of course because she told her SL "Lover" who is married at 30 that she is a 29 year old in real life. She's 59. So not only does she lie to me, she has lied to EVERYONE she encounters in SL. Sure it's a game of "pretend" BUT when you urge some guy to "fall in love with you" and he is actually contemplating leaving his wife and chuildren for someone who doesn't exist? She's a sicko and needs to be locked up before she destroys more lives other than her own. Posted: 04/25/08 15:40
	Windsweptgold says: If you feel SL or any On Line "game " is causing problems in your marriage i would suggest that you need to open your eyes. Why would a person who is in a happy relationship log onto a chat program and spend their time with pixel person? I would guess the problems started long before the person came into Second Life or any other program. Lets face it these people could of gone to the local pub and picked up someone. Instead of blaming the computer for all your marital problems maybe you need to look back to before your partner joined and see that there were RL issues btw you and them, accept some responsibility for your problems and you may find therein lies part of the solution Posted: 04/25/08 18:40
	zion felisimo says: It is safe to say I was hooked on SL the moment I started to play it. I think the first week of discovery of that place I was spending close to 12 hours straight. I have weened off quite considerably and only spend an hour or two each day. It has been about four or five months so far and have met a ton of ppl all over the world, had my art displayed in a virtual gallery. And started a fashion house, I have always wondered what it would be like to be a fashion designer. My rl background is in graphic design, I understand computer art and design and use it everyday. I do not use Second life as a fantasy world in which i role played a Gorean sim or anything like that. Sl was an extension of my rl design skills. I am learning 3D modeling (a real world skill) by learning to design 3D object in SL. I use a program called Blender a professional rl 3D program to create 3D objects that can be used in SL. Not to mention that other residents can take a look at my deign and give feed back. Its rather fascinating. SL has a lot of potential for being a innovative visual and audio communication medium. And i think that is where ppl get stuck.... Is SL perfect? Hell no. I feel for those wives, husbands, boyfriends, and girlfriends whose significant others are addicted to the materialistic "field of dreams" where all their wants and desires are attainable with some type of control and power over their lives. Perhaps we could learn more about our addicted loved ones by learning more about what they are getting and wanting in these virtual worlds. And maybe finding a reason why those needs and desires are not being taken care of. There is a lot of soul searching there... I had noticed the my second life was really mirroring my rl. Unbelievable! The virtual girls I was seeing were same type of girls I was dating in real life! In this so called unreal non existing virtual world! My unreal non existing avatar who does not look like me is still the pure essence of myself. It was then i realized that humans can communicate quite EFFECTIVELY even when they cannot see, hear, or touch each other. The blind or deaf cannot fall in love? If one of your loved ones has a virtual girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner that could be considered cheating in some degree. I was dating one girl in SL she wanted to get married, (no thanks) found out she had a boyfriend (whom she loves very much)It left me confused and uncomfortable about the whole "virtual" relationship. She wanted control over me, because possibly she cannot control her boyfriend to the degree she wanted. Perhaps she was taking from me what she could not get from here boyfriend. I stopped seeing her and I have not spoken to her since. In fact i have stopped looking for relationships all together. If you believe that virtual worlds and relationships are fake and do not exist then I would ask if its ok to have phone sex with someone your never seen or touch before (while your significant knows about it) because the voices are just transfered electronic pulses encoded and uncoded through an electronic wire being sent across hundreds if not thousands of miles away. How could that be real... Posted: 04/26/08 19:17
	Windsweptgold says: SOmething i forgot to add to the above, You talk of Sl splitting couples up well i know many who have met their partners through SL. They were both single and now married happily. Two of the couples i know are expecting their first child. Also my comment to Richard I remember way back in MSN chat room days man and women not being honest and there being talk of leaving ones partner to go hook up with someone from on line, come to think of it i know people who met someone in a pub who would talk of running off from their partner. So is On line really so different to RL? Posted: 04/27/08 09:20
	RichardJ says: No, it's no different. except in a pub, my Ex couldn't have deceived some 30 year old and lie about being 29. She showed her true colors as a totally self-centered selfish brat who would spare NOTHING for her own gratification. It's not "the game' but those who play it. no one CAN JUSTIFY HER ACTIONS. i'M SURE SOME OTHER 'SAP' BELIEVES THE OLD LADY having cyber sex with him as we speak is a 29 year old fashion model HA HA! Posted: 05/04/08 15:56
	JohnP says: Windswept I'm not blaming the game; as a matter of fact several of us were wondering how depression is linked to addiction of SL. SL is her addiction just like alcohol or drugs but because it's "just a game" people don't take it seriously and it gives the addict a very easy way to talk themselves out of thinking there is a problem. SL is full of people with emotional and personality disorders just waiting to vindicate each other (just like a pub; to use your example). Of course there were problems before and of course I'm not perfect but when you've been fired from several jobs, you're about to lose your kids, and you've spent all your money on make believe crap it's time to admit you have a problem. Yes those problems were there before the game just like the junky with their problems but that doesn't excuse the fact that the game has it's dangers. I "met" so many of these people (Gor and SL fanatics) during all the drama and they all spouted the same crap and sounded like brainwashed children. It was sometimes scary how cult like they sounded. Just like anyone who has lived through a loved one's addiction I now have a sour taste in my mouth for whatever the poison was and it just so happens to be for SL. Posted: 05/05/08 19:15
	Windsweptgold says: What about the other side of the coin, those that have met someone and fallen in love? I know of many and this week one of the couples had their first baby ( yes i am talking real baby here) they have been married for 2 years and i think that is fantastic. I get annoyed when people blame the item not the taker for the issue, We have seen in RL how criminals get reduced sentences because they were drunk. As for SL being full of people with baggage Life is full of people with baggage again dont blame a program be it SL, WOW, Moove or any other. I also know of people have been helped with issues because they have met someone in a chat program who has been there done that and can be more open because of the veil of confidence. I would suggest they did not lose their job because of SL but because of the depression and many with depression do not seek help easily because of the public stigmatism maybe in the chat program they can meet others who have it or who live with someone that does and get talking maybe then they will see themselves and get the help needed Posted: 05/10/08 22:57
	ADR says: You can add me to the list of guys who's wives are immersed. Just about every waking moment my wife is not working (she only works about 12 hours a week), she's on second life. She had to plan activities around her second life wedding, her second life baby, and her second life sex. My step kids don't get much time with her at all other then her griping at them when they leave their crap all over or are having dumbass attacks (they are 12 and 14). The few nights I have off work a week at home, they practically beg me to do stuff just for some parental interaction. I've tried making dinners, planning some family nights, and offering activities. However, she takes dinner upstairs and gets super bitchy when I ask about coming down and eating with us and rarely wants to actually do anything except type on the damn computer. We've not been able to afford an actual vacation since we got married over 6 years ago. She recently announced she was going to start saving to go to the UK to visit her SL best friend there and, if we have enough money the year after that, maybe I could come too. Ummm...yay! She still owes 20k in back debt from years ago which is why creditors call every day and she wants to do this. Honestly, I'm at the point now that I hope she goes...and just stays there. I've stopped most interaction with her any more and just pay the bills. Posted: 05/17/08 23:30
	Andrea says: Wendy and others, I enjoyed reading all of your comments and articles. I too have been affected by Second Life. i was involved with a wonderful man. We lived together and had been together for quite some time. He was an active second life player. One day I discovered that his avatar was 'engaged' to another avatar in game. Well, naturally, I freaked out. He assured me that it was only a game and that it wasn't real. How is it not real? You control the characters, you type words on the screen...don't sit there and tell me it's all make believe. So anyway, he ended that with her. We broke up about a month ago, mainly because he coudn't get over my trust issues. I did some looking and found that he had been having a relationship (in-game) with a different avatar in second life since March. He left me the first of this month. Our relationship was ruled by Second Life. He would come home from work and go right to his Second Life place he hung out. He'd work on creating items for second life, and I think he talked to his SL friends more than he spoke to me. I think Second Life relationships constitute as cheating. I am now paying the price for allowing this obsession of his to continue. Someone above posted this, but the next guy I go out with, if he says he is into Second Life, then I'm not into him. Posted: 05/22/08 09:41
	Unimpressed says: I haven't been able to work for a few months now and I don't drive and things get pretty boring for me. Yesterday I thought, oh well I'll just try Second Life. It took me all of about five minutes to realize this was possibly the biggest waste of time I've ever spent on the internet. I don't see how anybody with good mental health and self-esteem would waste time and actual money on that stuff. I know what it means to be lonely, I know what it means to spend hour after hour on IRC or MSN. I've even played WoW (which is also boring but in a different way) But I think to become addicted to SL and create a "new" life complete with new boyfriend & pornographic body requires a certain kind of desperation. Moreover, for a world of "limitless creative potential" all I saw was a lot of people copying. Copying ideals of what "beauty" is. Copying trends in fashion. Copying movies. Copying books. For the people whose relationships crumbled, my heart goes out to you all. My cousin died of a heroin overdose, and I can't even imagine another heroin addict saying "Maybe it's real life's fault for not making him feel as good as the heroin made him feel!" That's pretty much what I hear when people who are into these games feel the need to defend them. Posted: 05/24/08 17:50
	exSLAddict says: Greetings! I have read trough all writings and wanted to say something as well. First some history of mine, I have been in SL for 2 years and seen a lot of crap happening there. I must admit I was very depressed at the time I decided to give it a try. I felt this exciting burst of adrenalin every time I logged in and found new friends there. I didn't have many friends in real life, but I have been with same man for several years. I had decided when I went in that I wont get involved in any relationships but just have fun. This just didn't work out the way I planned. I have had severe mental problems trough all my life and always felt some kind of interest in fantasy world. Second Life took me inside of it completely, and I felt like kind of living again, though it was all in virtual world only.It was all fake.. I was a failier in real life, but in SL I could create a character with ego boost, less weight, longer hair, anything. I also went trough a painful virtual relationship which first began as a roleplay. This crap lasted for several months in secrecy from my bf. He still doesn't know about it all, but he might have his own suspicions. He told me several times to be more with him and all, but I wasn't listening. It was like a wall had surrounded me. I spent several hours a day to have romantic times with a virtual guy instead of trying it with my own dear boyfriend who I live with. At some point I finally realized what I was doing and stopped the relationship with the virtual person. I decided then I will never go for online relationship again. My relationship had gone in severe troubles, for my lack of will to work or anything. We broke up and I had a fling in real, which I regret deeply. My boyfriend wanted to try a life together with me still, and we now live together. It has been a difficult road for me to learn to respect the life outside the pc. Things almost got back to same and I was spending too much time in Second Life again, though not having any relationships or such. I was escaping from my misery of being a total loser in my real life instead of trying to do something about it. Fortunately I first had some pc problems preventing me going SL, then I got a health issue which also prevented me going there. And now been free from SL for couple of weeks I am slowly feeling how good real life feels. How the sun shines on my face when I walk in the forest. I do not want to die next to pc and only at the time of my death to realize I never lived at all. I am not quiting completely because of my friends there, but I don't want it to disturb my first real life anymore. First life comes first!! SL can be nice tool for creativeness but because there is too much there to handle, it can be dangerous to my kind of people. I didn't realize I can decorate my real home, I can lose weight by going for a walk instead of SL etc. And the biggest thing of all, I didn't realize I could be loved in real life too as who I am and not a character I pretend to be. And an advice to those whose spouses are stucked there, cut the damn wire and if that doesn't help, save yourselves. It is an addiction and partly comes from the adrenaline rush it gives when you are there. It is a severe addiction, I gave up smoking and alcohol easier. You need to treat them the same way as a drug addict, because the adrenalin rush is a chemical affecting to brain addictively. If they don't have the will to do anything, you can't change them either. As my last words I want to say thank you for your writings and experiences. It helps me understand even better how bad my problems was. I had no idea how much it hurted my loved one before I saw this documentary Virtual Adultery and Cyberspace Love, but reading these experiences help me even more. I am a recovering alcoholic but also recovering SLholic. There is hope if one admits there is a problem if it disturbs daily life. No one would play tennis or chess for 14 hours a day would they? Posted: 10/14/08 05:42
	Jacob says: Actually, people will play chess even longer . Competition addicts maybe. "After 24 hours and 30 minutes, consisting of 193 moves, Yedael Stepak beat Yaakov Mashian in the world's longest decided chess game as well as the world's longest in time." The more I've researched SL the more I know that it can be a great creative and marketing platform. On the flip-side, most people don't go there for that. I understand people that go there to be creative, advertise, market. Don't understand people that go there for attention and a "fix" for virtual contact. Just a quick refresher, I haven't posted here in awhile. She was addicted to SL. I thought it would help the relationship to move south so she could be closer to family, away from my family... Moved and the SL was even worse (she put her PC facing away from the door so her parents wouldn't see her Gor outfit). I couldn't say a thing because I was living in their house, and she's their only daughter. Tried everything to get her away from it without a conflict. Hot baths with salts, massage, camping, theatre (not big on shakespeare, but willing to make the sacrifice). Nothing worked. I went home for thankgiving, that's when I pretty much knew she wanted out. She never called, when I called, she never said "I love you" after I did. Say she was busy. I got the hammer in the head when I got back and she said she wanted out. I loved her, love her still though I shouldn't. I moved out. We had 2 cars, she got them both... Nice bed, she got that too. The grill, camp gear, PC, that too. I was left with a sofa, TV, 3 cats, and 4 ferrets (she didn't want to take care of them). Stuck as a yankee in a foriegn region. Thank gods we didn't have children. Since the separation, she's bought a hyped laptop, digital camera, $$ cellphone, $$ Itouch, 1 vacation to NY to vist SL friends, 1 vacation to NC to visit more SL friends, and still won't give me the pictures on the PC she took. She has to tell me about all of this too. Only reason I stay here, is because I have a decent job giving me experience, and I don't have a car anymore ;P. She spent $120 a month on SL, and still took a good chunk. Ah well, water under the bridge. Can't wait till Thanksgiving, this year, so I can see my family again. Peace to everyone, and to SL defenders. To the SL defenders, you can find someone that doesn't have to buy a huge penis or boobs, impress you with a fake house, or dazzle you with fake flattery and a fake virtual body. Posted: 10/31/08 04:25
	RescueMe says: I met a loving, romantic man in RL. I first met him on SL and we basically fell in love. When I met him in real life I figured I had met the love of my life and "WE" wouldn't need SL anymore.....boy was I wrong now he spends more time on sl than before and he's "engaged" to another woman on SL and I spend about 3 hours a week on SL cos it's sooo boring to me.I find that I have to watch tv cos he doesn't pay attention to me anymore, he also neglects the house....spider webs everywhere I try and do all I can but with no help it's hard. I'd rather go out and do stuff but he doesn't ever want too. When I call him out on it he gets really mad and super defensive. I'm thinking about leaving him now. He IS addicted to SL Posted: 11/07/08 01:39
	Wakingup says: Wow...thank god for this thread..I am a pretty much happily married woman with a good man for a husband and a beautiful daughter...I admit to being sucked in by the fantasy that is a second life relationship...at the risk of my not-perfect but pretty damned close husband, my beautiful daughter and my professional, very high potential career. I came to this thread because I am trying to leave second life, and i keep bantering in my brain, totally consumed by some guy i know is just toying with me, but just can't seem to break away from..I mean how dumb is that? I spend more time dwelling on this stupid "break up" than I do about my job, and the work that is piling up on my desk, my daughter, who gets bigger everyday, and my husband who i have to lie to and say, don't worry dear its just a game, I'm not REALLY cheating on you. Ha! Just like any vice in life, there are people who will become addicted to second life...for those people the addiction is fantasy..or like a previous poster said, the adrenalin rush you get from "feeling in love." The addiction may be new because it was invented by our generation, but it doesn't make it any less of an addiction than drugs, alcohol or food, or anything that takes you away from dealing with what is real. Posted: 12/02/08 14:18