Second Life has ruined my son's life!!!!

Tags: Second Life + RPG games + online gaming + games

MelodyL posted on Dec 3rd 2007 7:22PM

I am the mother of a 26 year old young man. He moved away from home at the age of 20. I have no idea if Second Life was around 6 years ago, but let me make one thing perfectly clear. Second Life should be banned from every home everywhere. It is an addiction that takes hold and takes over one's life. I had no clue what my son was doing. He is 26, does not work, gambles, and goes on the computer. That is his life.

He was diagnosed with Aspergers Disorder when he was 21. He was not living at home at the time. It seems that many people with Aspergers do not like other people, do not like to socialize, and choose, as their avatars, Androids in Second Life. Do any of you know what it is like to have a child, and then lose that child to a compuer virtual reality world? I know what this is like. It has happened to me and my family. I do not know who my son is anymore. I don't even know what he looks like. He doesn't care about anything but Second LIfe. I believe he lives, sleeps and eats this virtual reality world. I joined it, just to see what the heck he was doing all day. I had to choose an avatar, and there was my son, inviting me to go flying with him. I admit, it was nice for about 10 minutes. Going shopping and such. It's a nice place to get away for an hour or so once in a while. But to live in this world, to never leave your home, to have no friends, to not have a girlfriend. To not exercise, walk around the block, etc., well, you must understand. This is the same as drinking, drugging, or gambling. It's an addiction. It destroys families.

My son went to college and is brilliant. As are most users in Second Life, I would imagine. But to not see your mother for 6 years. To not call your father when he is in the hospital. To actually tell your parents, "you are no longer a priority in my life". Well, to me, the founders of Second Life should be arrested and put away for life.

They have destroyed families. Shame on them.

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Comments

	boatbumm says: I agree. Second life will ruin your real life through temptation and unfulfilled fantasies. Happened here. Lives ruined. Research the facts about this vile past time before proceeding. Play something tamer, like Grand Theft Auto. Posted: 01/11/08 22:55
	Josh says: I also agree i fought with my GF for 4 hours last night cuz of this game i play MMO's "Massive Multi-player Online games like WoW and FF11 and so did she until she found 2nd Life... now she plays this games at least 7 hours a night and if left unchecked would play it form 12pm - 4am "she has b4" But you can't blame the game to a certain degree it the people that pull them selfs into it i'm 60/40 but i DO NOT care for this game in the slightest my GF goes Clubing in the game "dances and chats with other losers" how could that be interesting for more than a couple of hours? in fact i'm almost to the point of "internet crime" "a virus to free the people from the "MATRIX" the blue pill or the red pill? should have eaten the blue pill! i love my GF and it seems she gets enjoyment out of this crappy game... so i let her play, i see it consuming her life like it has done many others Posted: 01/26/08 10:32
	RJ says: I also agree, I have ton of friends who play other games, my brother has his wife play with him on WoW and before that EQ. 2 Weeks ago my GF wanted to play SL so I helped her get it on the PC. In a week and half I found her email open where she was writing emails to some guy, to say the least, it was emotionally crushing to me. I know people flirt and chats, but thats it when its done its done, and in gameplay. SL has no point, the main point is to let people escape and live a fantasy. Within 1.5 week my GF has been playing at night for 2-4 hours, we have fought over it already and it really scares the crap out of me. This is the girl I was planning to marry, but she is getting engulfed in this realm. I work in IT and have chatted online for a long time, I even had the so called online gf, that I ended up talking on the phone to, she lived far away we never met and as most its just a casual thing this was ten years ago. In SL, its a 3d realm, people can look like what ever they want, since SL my GF has even put a myspace page and I have no idea what to do, up until 2 weeks ago she spent time updating her resume, and looking for a new job now she seems dispondant and withdrawn, and for the most part waiting for me to leave or go to sleep so she can get on the game. A 4.5 year relationship is falling apart because of this, she says its only a game and it keeps her busy, and lets her release stress. But any outlet that you can address emotional bonding, either sex, or just vent about issues and your significant other to unknown people gives the sense of false security. It creates and emotional bond with someone other than your lover, and thus contributes to the dimise. This really sucks. Posted: 02/17/08 12:25
	Jared says: I'm sorry to here what happen to your son. I was addicted to SL for about a month. Many people stay for days playing. This is ridiculous. I knew my life was out of balance, so I took if off my pc and cancel my account. As parents, we must teach healthy boundries. My kids used to play hours a day playing video games. I stops this and now they play about 4 hours a week. They griped about if for about a week but now they're fine. When we stop blaming others and start taking reponsibility then things will change. Show your kids that real life is much more exciting, build that relationship they are hungry for. Before you take away anything it must be replace with something just as good. If not, then let's not stop with SL, let's go after Bill Gates, the people who develop the internet, the people who created the TV and etc. You see my point. Posted: 03/06/08 15:17
	MelodyL says: Thank god you had the good sense to stop playing this game. My son now had 3 accounts and lives in there as a robot. He gambles also. Nothing I can do, as he lives 3000 miles away. I no longer feel like a mother. My husband was operated on two weeks ago. I had told my son in an email. He knew it. He never called. When he moved (yet again) last week, he called us and I said "you knew your dad had an operation, yet you saw no reason to check on him?" I didn't preach, I know how to talk to him. He sounded like "why on earth do I care if dad had an operation". The he emailed me explaining that because he doesn't live near us, our lives do not impact his. Isn't this lovely. I wish they would ban all sorts of video games. And parents, don't turn on a tv before they are 2. And later on, take them to the park. Don't just park them in front of a tv like it's a babysitter. Spread this word to every pregnant woman you know. Let's get the message out there. Too many video addictions are happening. Posted: 03/06/08 15:36
	Martin says: My wife has been addicted for 4 months now. She spends 40 hours or more per week on SL. She has a SL partner. That is, she has developed a deep emotional bond with another man. They talk, simulate sex, and send each other emails. I know that nothing physical has happened; but, I feel devastated. I can't believe my life has been ruined by a videogame. Anyone reading this, if you haven't tried SL yet, please tread carefully. You may ruin the lives of those who truely care about you. Posted: 03/24/08 12:53
	Travis says: Yeah! Second Life is the devil! It raped my entire family and killed my grandmother with a knife! Took turns with us all, we were helpless, none of us have any self control. We're just mindless puppets now, devoid of any natural reasoning. Get a friggin grip. Your son chose to do what he does, every day he makes that choice. He makes his choice to ignore his family too. "This is the same as drinking, drugging, or gambling. It's an addiction. It destroys families. to me, the founders of Second Life should be arrested and put away for life. They have destroyed families. Shame on them. Second Life should be banned from every home everywhere." SERIOUSLY? When are you f-in quacks going to realize, you can ban things as a solution to idiots making the wrong choices. The problem resides in you son. You don't like the things a free society brings go start your own Amish colony somewhere. Think about these things before you say them. A half-wit can drink so much water that it will kill him, that doesn't mean that you should ban H2O because its a life-ender. The creators of Second Life provided the sandbox to play in, people like your son built it. End of story, any fault to be placed resides with the masses, including you son! IDIOT. Posted: 04/12/08 14:53
	Joe says: As someone who has recently come to know the feeling of devastation, the story about having a second life partner is sickening. It is ruining their lives, their trust and everything else that they got together for. It is cheating, thru and thru. People who don't understand that have: 1 never been in love. 2 have never been cheated on. or 3 no ability to feel feelings. But at the same time, to blame the game is not owning your choices. Its passive enabling. "If it wasn't for that Second Life, my marriage would still be alive/son not a dousch/GF not a cheater," says the delusional zookeeper. Sure they all would, I say. They would just manifest their douschdom in a different way. One thing to realize is that the game is only what you make it. It could be a way to relax or it could be a pass to do horrible things you would most certainly not do in real life. "But it's just data, flying from one machine to another over wires," says the cheeseburger-faced nerd. What Poindexter has failed to realize is that there are REAL people sitting in front of those machines with REAL feelings that get destroyed for REAL. Flame on! I dare you. Posted: 05/26/08 00:27
	MelodyL says: Hello all!!! I am the original poster of this whole thread. But it's hard to add replies, so I hope this comes out. This is in reply to the one who posted on 5/26/08. You know, you are absolutely correct. It's an addictive personality that is at play here. Not only the game. If there wasn't the game of Second Life, then there might be the bottle of alcohol, or the porn addiction, or anything else. I do however believe that the ability to "get lost", in the virtual reality world for 10 hours a day, is feeding the isolation that accompanies this type of life. There can be no social life in the real world, if the gamer is INSIDE SECOND LIFE. They might be saying "oh, I have friends in Second Life, I do stuff in Second Life". What the gamer does not realize is that NONE OF IT IS REAL. This is far different than playing a role playing game. That's a game. Second Life is another existence. The gamer has substituted the REAL world for a FANTASY existence. The gamer has actually allowed is mind to GIVE UP family, loved ones, etc. to exist in something THAT IS NOT REAL. Oh, it's quite real to them at the time, because they don't want to face the outside world. Think about it. It must affect the pleasure sensors inside the brain. The dopamine levels, the seratoniin levels. I mean, why else would a person spend 10 hours or more in something that is not real??? As Dr. Phil would say "What's the payoff?" All I can say is I had a son who went to college, to loved me as a kid, who had friends over the house. I no longer have a son. He is lost in delusional thinking. For him to change his way of thinking, for him to stop playing Second Life for 10 or more hours a day, he would need a reality check, a wake-up call, he would need them to stop giving him SSI, a roof over his head, and he would need them to step up and say "hey, you've got to go to work, WE are not going to support you any more. Unless the powers that be do this, you will have thousands of people (mostly men with Aspergers Disorder), just turning their back on their loving families, and shrugging their shoulders and saying "why on earth should I have to work for a living, all my needs are met, I have medical care, I pay my bills, I don't have to leave the apartment, I get food, I have tv, a computer, cable service, etc. SO WHY SHOULD I WORK??" Think about it. If you were 20 years old, never worked a day in your life, and you found a way to be taken care of, and you don't have to make the effort to go out, socialize, and risk rejection........well, that's the mind of a person with Aspergers, or any other socially inept disorder. There is, of course, help for these people. It's support groups. It's getting together with other socially inept people (of all ages). But I'll be honest, when I hear that a married person, or a person's significant other, has left the relationship and gone on the computer for 50 hours a week, turned their backs on their families, well THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY AN ADDICTION, the same as drinking, drugging, and eating to excess. If that person does not seek help, if that person does not want to change their life and more important, IF THAT PERSON CAN REALLY LOOK AND ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT THEIR BEHAVIOR IS DOING TO THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIFE, well that person should be ashamed of themselves. It's up to the person with the addiction to want to change. others are absolutely powerless. I have learned this way of thinking by going to online support groups. I've met many parents, and loved ones of addicts and they are tearing their hair out. Their loved ones are lost to them. Addiction changes the way a person perceives life. It just does. And sadly, in virtual reality addiction, well, there are really no support groups for the OTHERS. We are just forgotten. It's like we don't exist. The game is the key. It's the reason they get up in the morning. Also, when you have a young person (like my son), who never held a job in his life, and exists in this manner, well I guess I would call him Peter Pan. He won't grow up, he refuses to work, he only cares about his own happiness. Just like a 5 year old. Think about it.!! Posted: 05/26/08 07:27
	SLwidow says: I totally agree that this is an addiction. My husband and I both joined sl about 6 months ago...since then, I have popped in and out, chatted to people, all fine. But my husband has started to lie about how much of OUR money he puts into keeping his characters going, has an sl wife who he seems to see more than me...I have found her phone number on his phone...he "assures" me he has never called and says it is all a game...right... When my husband chooses to spend all day every day with these "virtual" people it breaks my heart...have I been such a bad wife that he hides in his pc? Using the "game" as an excuse to have an emotional affair is pathetic...it is no different to emailing/texting but because there is a "character" it is all good...I think not. I am saddened to hear about your son MelodyL, I hope that he does get the wake up call he needs...I wish you the best for the future.x Posted: 06/03/08 04:56
	MelodyL says: Thanks so much. I see absolutely no hope for my son, nor do I see a future for him. He stays in his apartment (3000 miles from us), He either watches his tv, or dvd, or he existes in this Second Life virtual world. This will be his life from now on. He does not have any personal hygiene, He does not comb his hair. He told me this the other night when he called us. He calls on birthdays and holidays. I gather his psychiatrist told him that as parents, we expect him to check in with us from tiem to time. This is not because he wishes to do this, it's because he was told to do this. If he did not have a psychiatirst, we would never hear from him. This is the future of young peopld with Aspergers. They are afraid of the real world and Second Life allows them to live out their fantasies. I think this is very sad. Parents who invest all their hard earned money, feelings and just plain lives, and they do this all their lives until the kid graduates from school and then poof, it all goes away and the kid doesn't work, but just lives to go into Second Life. Very tragic if you ask me. Posted: 06/03/08 10:23
	Wildalaska says: I started playing Second Life November of 2006. At first, I did the things I had fun doing, dancing and clubbing with my friends, shopping, changing my clothes non-stop, winning contests for a way to get more lindens to buy more stuff I didnt need. I remember one day at a club I got into a conversation with a guy who was questioning my profile, my profile was happy, said I was married happily with kids, all that good jazz. This guy was asking about the validity of my profile, questions like how is your sex life? Do you have a online b/f, on and on, things like that. After grueling me for 30 mins, he says wow, I guess you are about the only normal person that plays this game. I blew him off, not really thinking about that conversation again. I tried to be strong and not like everyone else in the game, lying, cheating, stealing other peoples g/f's and b/f's. But in the end temptation got to even me. A few months later I started talking to a guy that seemed to actually cared about everything I did, and my opinions and thoughts. I never,ever meant to get emotionally attached to him. Long story short, we talked for 6 months every day. He was consuming my every thought, I became withdrawn from my husband, family, my friends, everyone that has ever mattered to me in my life. Ive been married for 11 years, have 3 beautiful children with my husband, have been happy in general for the duration of our relationship. It went to the point of I would include my sister into texting my b/f for me on my husbands days off, one day i sent the text to him accidentally. It was horrific, i hurt that man soooo bad you couldnt even believe, he cried for 3 days straight, couldnt even go to work, couldnt function, do anything but beg me to stay. I stopped all contact with the b/f and am trying to make ammends with my husband. I uninstalled Second Life, and no longer have a need to play it anymore. I cant say it wasnt hard, because omg it was. What inspired me to stop was watching so many friends, so many people I love get torn apart by that game. My father in law is leaving my mother in law for another woman on that game, hes so attached to SL that he spends $300-$500 a month on it. Every waking hour that hes not at work, he spends on the computer, and he goes into rages if he cant play, someone interrupts his gamplay etc. Another friend of mine, whom I love dearly, is in love with a guy on the game, so she thought. She actually is a she!! Ive tried to convince her that she fell in love with a character on a game, not a woman! Shes married and has a child for Gods sake, yet shes so emotionally attached that she seems to have forgotten reality, and is instead living inside her computer. You see, it really is a horrible addiction, and I hope that people can see not to play it, I almost ruined my life, not saying that its perfect, I have to earn my husbands trust back and its not going to be easy. Things in life are worth fighting for, and Im glad now I realize its my husband and children that need my love and attention, not SL. Now thinking back to that conversation with that guy at the club, I now know what he meant by all his questioning, I just wish i could have seen it before all this happened. Wooot 2 months 7 days SL free! =) Posted: 06/06/08 13:34
	MelodyL says: I hope your husband has some understanding of online gaming addiction. You owe him and your children a complete life. A life that includes your attention. Do not ever go in that virtual world again. It will suck you in. I hope you get that second chance. Best of luck. Posted: 06/06/08 20:45
	Stacy says: I have just lost my partener of 3 1/2 yrs to second life. He even told me that he likes SL better because it does not bitch at him. It is devastating, especially since we have 2 kids together. He has been playing with increasing frequency for the past year and even got a virtual job DJing at a club there. He seems to have given up on reality and me with little apprehension. As a compromise he said he would only play 4 days a week when I am working but he wasn't able to even keep this agreement. He does not sleep for days and falls asleep standing up at work. He puts our kids to bed as early as possible when I work nights just so he can get back to the game. He even said he would rather quit smoking to continue playing, but for now he has just given up me and our family together. Posted: 06/09/08 01:54
	Holly says: I have been addicted to SL on and off for 2 years now. Both my husband and I fell into the addiction. We thought we were so smart and our marriage was so good that we could play together - but yet each other have SL bf/gf ect. We got so bad into it that we bought an island even!!! Trust me it was all a lie in our own heads to think it was not destroying us. We thought oh but we are playing together - but we never did spend time together. He was off with his lady and I was looking for a guy to show me the attention he was showing his lady. We tried the well its just a game!! He has left SL - he finally has seen what its doing. I have been wanting us to leave for a while. I will be totally gone - just log on to try and sell the land and maybe just maybe get back a bit of the money we so could not afford to put into this game. I feel bad because I brought my sister- In law into the game and she is more lost in it then we even were. I feel the quilt of bringing some one in. Please if you are in the game - and you spend more then a few hours here and there - get out - before you just can not seem to get out!!!! Posted: 06/09/08 12:53
	Michelle says: I don't understand you people, I have been playing the game quite sometime and I am more than capable of distinguishing SL from RL. There are times I might be on there for 4 hours or so but then I don't even log in for a few days........it must be certain personality type. Posted: 06/11/08 19:46
	michelle says: PS I have friends in the game (also known in RL)one in particular who has been on SL for around 3 years, he is by no means addicted. He spent many late nights in the game to begin with........but like me, he also has a real life worth living. Posted: 06/11/08 19:50
	LesPaul says: SL is addictive and most of the people that spend too much time on it are lacking in their RL. In fact the last two people that posted just before me are far from being the average. I was into Rolplaying game on SL its where the most addicted are. A friend of mine was logged 72 hours sraigth without any sleep she is a nurse having night shifts. Sometime people will wait to go at the bathroom...I told her when are you gaonna put on diaper then ? its crazy. I am slowly loosing my RL partner in that game I already quit that cirkus but she doesn't seem to be ready. Its not SL that is causing couple to separate or break...its just accelerating the process Posted: 06/12/08 16:29
	michelle says: michelle says: I have a slightly addictive personality, I am aware of it and almost didn't create an SL account because of it, but I knew I was stronger than that. However, I think if I didn't have a good RL maybe I could become addicted to SL........maybe. Having a decent RL is what you make it, I work hard, have a healthy relationship and a lovely home. These things are worth living for, but hey it takes a little more than sitting on your backside getting sucked into a game of cartoons. I personaly think these people are of weak charactor Posted: 06/12/08 19:49
	MR NOONE says: i feel so sorry for people who get hurt by this fucking game.. my life is in ruins.. my finace plays this 24/7 .. she dont matter about real life has long has shes selling her ass in the clubs for lindans cash ffs in that shite hole of a game... she says its her online job yada yada.. i know whats going on shes met some other men on there that are offering her a better life than i can give her.. im on the dole in england i got 2 lil boys and there my world.. has for the mother well its time to go our separate ways i think.. shes no mother she is a dirty online whore.. sorry for the language.. im so upset.. ban second life ban the pile of shite!!!!!! i even went on her profile trying to catch the other guys she talking to behind mey back... she cooks dinner / tea then she eats it at the pc and me and my children sit at the table.. trying to eat my food looking deeply into my eldest sons eyes all innocent.. whats wrong daddy he said.. i replied nothing lil dude .. he said you look sad faced why daddy? hes it cause mommys on the pc again.. all that from a 2year olds little mouth.. im off to unistall second life .. more to life than this shit hell of a game Posted: 06/17/08 01:18
	LesPaul says: Update to my previous post. I finally lost her to that shitty game. I no longer go on that wasting time grid where all those dreamers think they live when they are slowly dying. What is even dumber is that some people think they met their soul mate (everyone did lol) and they are gonna be finally happy in RL if they can meet. Bogus, have you ever seen junkies quitting their addiction by grouping together lol.... I laugh but its not funny, I lost my 7 years long girlfriend to that stupid game she got brainwashed by virtual romance...awakening is gonna be painful !! Posted: 07/27/08 19:55
	MelodyL says: I am so sorry you lost your girlfriend. It seems that virtual reality is also as addictive as alcohol, gambling and drugs. It appears to be a safe hobby, but once you get involved into it, and it takes over your life, well, all I keep hearing is people giving up their outside interests, and their relationships, and moms actually forget they have kids in the house. How sad!!! Posted: 07/28/08 10:12
	Sal says: I have lost my boyfriend to second life; it is unfolding as I type. He started using SL in May of this year, he went on at first as a money making venture. As he has been in internet marketing on and off over the years, I felt all was above board. Over the last two months I have watched the man that I have spent the last sixteen years of my life with turn into a lying cheating, desperate man. I can only compare it with drug addiction. He spent more and more time on SL at first it was some of the weekend and the odd hour or so during the week. This rose to him spending in excess of at least 70 hours a week on there. Every time I went into his study he was shifty and angry and hostile towards me, he started detaching himself from me within a few weeks. Less affectionate, then he became more and more withdrawn. I tried so hard to reach out to him to encourage him to talk, I read self helps articles and bought him gifts encouraged him to go on holiday. What a holiday he took 2 lap tops and spent every night in the hotel lobby on SL, he came to bed later and later and was so absorbed in SL he couldn’t see straight. Prior to the holiday I arrived home and he didn’t hear me, I heard him on the phone to his SL , girlfriend. He told her he wanted all of her, that he wanted to do x, y and have her do Z. I listened to their conversation for nearly an hour and felt sick, and when confronted he said it was just a bit of fun and sexual deviancy nothing more. We have had our ups and downs in the relationship before and have several times decided that we should end the relationship due to not having enough in common. Yet there is a deep and special bond and love that keeps us together. Last night I went out with my boyfriend for dinner, for the last time, it was so bitter sweet. He was there and not there, I got the distinct feeling he was doing it to appease me rather than because he actively wanted to spend time with me. Tomorrow he flies to the US to meet this woman, who he has never met in real life, last Sunday my world fell apart, when I found a transcript of their conversations. Him telling her how much he loved her, what they would do together, how beautiful their life together was going to be. I was then told that he wanted to split up and that he was bringing this SL girlfriend to live with him. In our home, and that I had a month to leave. He has paid her money, and is sucked in so deeply by her I may as well not exsist. This is the home I have shared on and off with him for nearly 12 years, I have lived overseas with him, given up numerous jobs and countless opportunities that would have benefited me personally. This is the home that since we returned home too last summer, which is the last time he cheated on me in a personal growth centre he goes too. Yes I hear you, your thinking what a dumb, gullible woman I am. I agree, my crime, I fell so deeply in love with this man and have invested 16 years of my life into making him happy. Now I am forced out of my home and everything that it has taken us a life time to build up. Because we are not married, I am not entitled to very much. He is giving me some money which will help me clear some of my debts, but I am living my own private hell. I can’t sleep, eat, drink even it is affecting my job that I started just under 2 months ago. I cry so hard I throw up, I want to hold him, I want him to love me. Yet I have to go, I gave him the option of not going to the US to see her, but he has chosen her. So I live my second life hell for now. The person I know has gone forever, replaced with a man having a mid life crisis in total denial of the damage he is doing. He doesn’t want to hurt me he says he doesn’t want to cause me pain, after 16 years and doing everything a wife would do, and every spare moment spent building a happy home and supporting him in his life. It goes beyond pain, I go from numbness to shock, to anger, to fear. I hope that once I have moved out I will arrive at acceptance. My friends have told me I am too good for him, I lied once in this relationship, I had an affair with a man who I fell in love with. I could not live with the lie, I told my bf and despite the guy I had the affair with asking me to marry him I said no. I chose my bf as I felt our love was so pure, and that he was the true love of my life. That was 8 years ago, I confessed to my bf told him what I had done said I would leave if he wanted, and asked what he wanted. He forgave me and had his own indiscretions to even the score. So now In the last week I have lost the life I love, the man I love and don’t know how I will get through the next few days. I am on sleeping pills and feel unable to make any decision. Yet I have so many to make. If and when I am ever interested in having another relationship I will never date anyone with a strong interest in computers. I hate SL, it has ruined my life, it and various other forums are full of h Posted: 07/31/08 03:45
	Sal says: I hate SL, it has ruined my life, it and various other forums are full of husbands and wives cheating. In my opinion they are cheating themselves as they don’t have the balls to face reality which is why they live in an alternate one. I know the post is long its so hard to edit it as my head is just fried right now. Posted: 07/31/08 03:52
	Winter says: What would your opinion of him be, if all he thought about was sex? What if he were constantly using women left and right? What if it was church? or Reading? or Old Movies? What if he took up the Violin and was so passionate about it that he invited you to a concert? It sounds like your son has found a social outlet he's comfortable with.. and with his issues, it sounds like that's not an easy thing to come by. Second Life boasts over a million users a month. Your son has the ability to make friends, try romantic involvements if he chooses (without facing the same kind of fears one might face in real life).. he has the chance to build and run a business, or just to play in the sandbox with friends. There are people who can turn Second Life into a viable source of income. (though admittedly, only a few can). It sounds like he even asked you to "come play with him".. but you rejected him. It sounds like ghe's found something that works for him, and you're the one who is throwing him away, because his choices aren't ones you understand. Someone needs to grow up a little here... and it may be you. You seem so focussed on SEX. Your son MUST REPRODUCE. If he's not out there seeking sex, your mind automatically beleives that he's "lost". (dear god, what if he were homosexual? how would you react?) This seems to be more about you not approving of your son's decisions. Posted: 08/22/08 09:36
	Winter says: Stop putting the blame on a video game/social networking/development platform, and accept that as the person who raised this child to adulthood, you bear some responsibility for the person he's become. Posted: 08/22/08 10:30
	Kyrah says: I think there is another issue between him and his family that is beyond the scope of SecondLife. Some guy once said "Your friends you choose, your family you bear" .Of course it's a very pessimistic view of things but it summarise quite well the problem you seems to have. We choose our friends based on what we like in them, we do not choose our family. THere ised to be a time when family bonds where stronger, but the cities where smaller and the communication technologies where limited, you where socializing with the peoples that where at foot range. The computer era broke for good this barrier by allowing peoples from allover the world to share their ideas, feelings and over all socialize with peoples that are like minded. I've met some amazing peoples on internet, some of them are truly brilliant and more interesting than any persons living around me. For a long time my father was saying me i was doing nothing when he was seeing me at the computer, it's only now that i am working as a freelance 3D artist that he starts to understand what i was doing all along. Unfortunately no sane person will take everything you say about this case as crystal clear truth, we are all biased when it touch subjects that we care a lot about, and it is going to be difficult to fully understand the problem as long as we won't have the other side of the story. I'm not going to approve your son's lifestyle or disprove it, all i can tell you , is that you're beating on the wrong dead horse. Posted: 08/22/08 10:42
	MelodyL says: I agree. I can't blame Second Life for his behavior. But it is rather addicting, (just read the other posting). And the idiot who said to blame the person who raised him, well, that person should look up ASPERGERS DISORDER. It's time that parents stop getting blamed. People have to be responsible for their behaviors. That's my last word on this subject. Posted: 08/22/08 15:06
	Kyrah says: As addictive as any computer game really. Posted: 08/22/08 15:23
	gaz says: if it wasnt for video games id have nothing to live for dont you realise how shit life is if your ugly Posted: 08/20/09 06:43
	MelodyL says: To GAZ: If you think you are ugly, of course I feel sorry for you. Exactly why do you think you are ugly? The saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", well of course, in today's society that is NOT TRUE. Everything today is how a person looks. So if you are overweight, do something about it. I don't know if you are a guy or a gal. I think you are a guy. Guys seem to have a lot more problems than girls today, and guys turn to video games to get that "high". It increaes the seratonin level in the brain. This is just basic biology. So if you are suffering from a depression because you don't like the way you look, WELL CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK. I stopped feeling sorry for myself a long time ago when I tuned into the Discovery Channel and saw a guy with NO BOTTOM HALF OF HIS BODY. Now talk about self esteem problems.!!! Well, he didn't have any self esteem problems at all. He modified his car so he can drive. He has his own sattelite equipment installation business. He hops on the ladder, shimmies up the ladder and goes on the roof and installs people's sattelite dishes. Does this guy feel sorry for himself? Hell no. So if he can lead a productive life, I see no reason why an average looking person can't also. So if you look into the mirror and don't see what you like, perhaps you can CHANGE WHAT YOU SEE!! I know, because I did it a long time ago. I actually like myself better now because it's not about me me me all the time. I take the time to stop and listen to what others are saying. This takes AGE, WISDOM, EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEGE. Sounds like you are about 20 or so. You have a lot of growing up to do. Give it a try. You CAN do it. And without the aid of drugs, or alcohol I'd like to add. That just messes up your head and gives you a distorted view of life. There is GOOD out there. You just have to go and get off of video games, go outside and smell the fresh air. Take a walk. Join a gym. DO SOMETHING. Just get off the computer once in a while. Just my two cents. Mel Posted: 08/20/09 07:51
	khannea-suntzu-myopenid-com says: http://khanneasunztu.wo...too-human/ Posted: 08/26/09 09:24
	MelodyL says: To: khannea-suntzu-myopenid-com I left a comment on your blog. Melody Posted: 08/26/09 10:35
	Lisa says: Dear all, My name is Lisa I am 27 years old and currently live in London. I am a radio documentary producer. I am looking for people who have either been affected directly by Second Life, or people who have loved ones that have been affected by Second Life. Anonymity would be given if people do not wish to reveal their true identities in real life or Second Life. If you wish to know more I am happy to answer any questions. This is a very unreported problem and I hope through my work people can be made aware of the risks and have the choice to avoid Second Life. Please email me on smartleproductions@live.co.uk. Warm regards, Lisa Andrews Smartle Productions Posted: 09/14/09 08:46
	Brittany says: Okay, I understand where you're are coming from. I think it is unfortunate that your son has become the way he has. However, I am 17 years old and I have been playing second life on and off for about 4 years. When home wasn't going too well, along with school and other family issues I turned to second life, which kept me busy. However, I did not get addicted to this game. There are parts of the game, or some places you will find that will catch your interest deeply so you keep returning for days at a time. But when people begin to leave you loose interest in the place because you have no one to play with. I think second life is a brilliant game. Look at the details and graphics design methods in their work. I'm not sure if you appreciate things like that, but it is clear that they have worked hard. I'm sure they didn't intend to ruin your sons life, or your own, but the reality is... He sounds like he has an addictive personality, and the world of real people shun him because of his diversity. It's understandable that he would go to a new world, create a new him, and talk to people who know only know the character on their screen. It's easier. and I completely understand that. Posted: 10/24/09 07:49
	Shiloh says: To Melody::PLEASE,DONT DELETE MY POST THIS TIME.PLEASE. I posted here the other night and both my post and my friends post are gone.I dont understand why.Our posts werent rude as were Winter's,though I can understand her attitude.She called names,spoke with caps indicating that she is screaming,and all I did was to deny allegations of all SLers being addicts.This was the authors own words,not mine.All I spoke about was the fact that not all people who are into Second Life are addicted to it.I have turned several people where I live onto SL and it has changed their lives for the better,and so has Sandy.We both agree that its great for keeping those who cannot get out from being very depressed.Is this a reason to remove our posts? I will speak about Melody saying things about this being different than a game.No,it isnt.You can chat in World of Warcraft,and its a game.It is only different if someone wants it to be that way,and then it can become a problem.Games can become a problem for those who take it too far as well.Sports,booze,ebay,..all of it is fine unless done with excess. I only wanted to let people know that SL isnt all bad.So,..there's no need to remove my posts,..is there? Posted: 10/24/09 21:22
	MelodyL says: Hold on a moment. I have NEVER deleted a post in my entire life. I wouldn't know how. I check my email inbox, and when I see "you have a new common gate message, then I simply come here and see what you guys have written. I did respond and I just noticed that it did not post. So it's not ME!!! Perhaps there's a glitch in the system? Melody Posted: 10/25/09 12:46
	MelodyL says: Shiloh: Forgot to add "why not re-post what ever it was that got deleted". See, I don't know how to edit my own posts!!! lol melody Posted: 10/25/09 12:48
	bill1465 says: this post still running , who you fooling off course SL is addictive , not for me anymore thoughe the central core off SL is lonlyless wanting to feel noticed wanting to be loved wanting power if only in pixel land wanting to maybe control people you fit into any off the above then yes , ya will become a SL addict these people spend over 17 hours a day sat behind a chair typeing its bloody sad pathectic 4 hours a nite use be enoughe for me Posted: 10/27/09 18:47
	MelodyL says: That was why I created this topic. Because anyone who spends 17 hours a day doing Second Life, NEEDS TO GET A LIFE. This does not apply to handicapped people who can't get around and who need an outlet, and this is their outlet. I'm talking about able bodied people who can go out, get a job, see family, and LIVE!!!! Able bodied people who exchange their real life, FOR A SECOND LIFE, have NO LIFE!!! And it hurts families, it really does. Mel Posted: 10/28/09 09:06
	Mike says: I'm 17 and I played second life it made me happy I met alot of friends then I met a girl from the uk she was amazing we never fought she always told me she loved me then one day she just left me and said forget her I was in so much pain but then relized it was a stupid game not rl but I did love her but in fact I did not know who she really was but yea I dont care now becuase she left me but I have a rl and it is shitty but better then second life FUCK second life it should be banned becuase it ruins lifes fucks with peoples brains Posted: 11/09/09 12:16
	MelodyL says: Hon, you are only 17. Your heart is as broken as it would be if a real life girl did this to you. But at least you know that it was not real. It was a fake relationship. So get out there, breathe some fresh air. Go for a walk, join a gym, WHATEVER you have to do to interact with live people. And don't do drugs, they will only screw up your brains. You need ALL your brain cells. You have a whole life ahead of you. Don't get lost in computer fairy land. To me, that is what Second Life is. A computerized fairy land. Posted: 11/09/09 18:48
	JocelynD says: Yes, this game can be very addictive i as well played for a very long time almost 5 yrs in total, i still play on the rare occasion but its just blah to me anymore. my story is a lil different then all elses though, i met this wonderful man in there we met several times in rl we even now have a child together. but the sad part to it all is he is the one stuck in the whole "online" world it has nothing to do with SL its just online period. he lost his job a few yrs back n gave up on life totally he has yet to see his son whom is now 2 was not there for me threw my pregnancy nothing. he would rather the distance between us well i assume he claims other wise but im not stupid.... i have mentioned numerous times moving there etc. ALWAYS a excuse... bottomline i mean i can go on n on n on but in "online" you have a bunch of liars n people living out their fantasies as they for some reason cant in RL, or just choose not to.. me personally i am a very emotional REAL person i need that one on one attention n affection, not words typed out cause yanno anyone can promise you the world in text.... as i have learned the very hard way.. so for all yall that read this sadly its hard to trust a thing said online but especially in SL its all "rping" n not many view it as real people behind that screen with real thoughts n feelings etc. just becareful.... not sure if anyone will learn or even understand what im saying but if it happens to you, you certainly will Posted: 11/13/09 14:12
	JocelynD says: Yes, this game can be very addictive i as well played for a very long time almost 5 yrs in total, i still play on the rare occasion but its just blah to me anymore. my story is a lil different then all elses though, i met this wonderful man in there we met several times in rl we even now have a child together. but the sad part to it all is he is the one stuck in the whole "online" world it has nothing to do with SL its just online period. he lost his job a few yrs back n gave up on life totally he has yet to see his son whom is now 2 was not there for me threw my pregnancy nothing. he would rather the distance between us well i assume he claims other wise but im not stupid.... i have mentioned numerous times moving there etc. ALWAYS a excuse... bottomline i mean i can go on n on n on but in "online" you have a bunch of liars n people living out their fantasies as they for some reason cant in RL, or just choose not to.. me personally i am a very emotional REAL person i need that one on one attention n affection, not words typed out cause yanno anyone can promise you the world in text.... as i have learned the very hard way.. so for all yall that read this sadly its hard to trust a thing said online but especially in SL its all "rping" n not many view it as real people behind that screen with real thoughts n feelings etc. just becareful.... not sure if anyone will learn or even understand what im saying but if it happens to you, you certainly will Posted: 11/13/09 14:17
	MelodyL says: I am so sorry that your little guy has no father. All I can do is wish you a better future than the past you have experienced. There's a good guy out there for you. You go and find him. Take care, Melody Posted: 11/13/09 15:45
	mountainSnow says: I think I am currently addicted to SL. Yes it is destructive because it takes away some of the energy you should be devoting to your partner. It is so easy to get immersed in another reality and develop a character and friends that as are real to you as any in the real world. This is the danger - I often found myself spending far more time in SL than in real life on a weekend. An entire saturday would disappear. You know that something is wrong when you minimize your screen or scroll out when your souse comes by. He does know I 'play' SL but doesn't ask questions about it and has never seen my hot avatar. I know that there are others that spend ALL their free time and money on this life. Sure, if you can control it can be entertaining and stimulating, almost like being a character in a book. But that's the problem. It's too easy and available and too hard to control. Posted: 11/21/09 18:43